My new best friend

Sitting on his doorstep the other night, we looked up at the sky. The purple of night struggling to push through thick cloud, scarred a dull, artificial orange by the neon street lamps all around us. There's something intrinsically wrong about something on our level managing to impact on something as awe-inspiring as the sky. It seems like we're tampering with some sort of natural balance. Earth continued to violate the Heavens, a tower block puncturing the horizon, lights randomly illuminated within its heart; no one within aware that they're altering nature, obscuring the sky and inspiring two people on a garden step. No one within aware of their power.

We picked out cloud shapes as they distorted and danced above us, exposing and obscuring different parts of the sky behind it, like some sort of celestial peep show. Dog, cat, tortoise on roller skates. A man lying down, a huge rabbit's face and a map of the world. Everything you could ever have wanted was in the sky that night. We sat on his porch, huddled under a jacket; so lost in conversation, so humbled by the beauty of the sky, that neither of us noticed the light rain starting to fall. We imagined we were flying above the clouds, looking down through the gaps. We were the sky and the sky was us.

There were no stars; it was too cloudy. I remember the stars, though. I remember nights standing in car parks for far too long to be 'normal'. Looking up at the sky, picking out constellations that have since been branded into his skin, becoming part of his very being. Tarmac crunching under my feet as I shift from side to side, snuggling further into myself and rubbing my gloved hands together to generate some heat. The only thing close to a cloud that night was my breath; crisp and white, swirling upwards and intermingling with the atmosphere, just for a moment before it acclimatised and evaporated into the winter air. That night was me, and that night was him, and we were that night.

This time, there were no stars, but suddenly, as we looked up something caught our eye. The Heavens greeted us, and the sky said 'Hello!'. The neon clouds parted to expose the word HI in the purple of the hidden sky. All capitalised, shouting to get our attention. Now I don't believe in angels or aliens or ghosts or heaven, but I like to think it was a message; for me, for him, or maybe for the two of us. Maybe it was a message for everyone who can spend hours on end looking up in complete awe and wonder at the sky. Who it was for or from whence it came I guess is wholly irrelevant, these things can be whatever you make them and we both took comfort in it. Nature never fails to amaze me, to inspire and to astound me. The sky has never introduced itself to me before, and as I sat there, looking up at this greeting from something much greater than me, I couldn't help but look at him and smile. How many other people do I know who get to spend their evenings sitting on the porch gazing upwards in the best of company? Not many. There's always something better on the television I guess (!)

I am so, so lucky.

And then - just for a moment - I had this moment of total clarity; I realised how wonderful my life actually is. I have everything I could ever want, and I'm surrounded by amazing people who love me unconditionally and care about me so, so much (despite the fact that I am - in fact - the world's biggest scope), and now, even the sky wants to be my friend. And for the first time, maybe ever, I didn't feel worried about my contentment; no panicking about when it was all going to come to an end. There was no worry, no gnawing sense of foreboding. I felt - for the first time ever - completely at peace, completely happy. I felt nothing but an affinity with nature and with man (which was a pretty big deal for me, considering some of the experiences with people I've had lately) and a huge rush of love for those around me. I think it's all too much for me to comprehend sometimes, and I invert into myself to try and clarify it all. I am in love with this world, and I feel privileged to be a part of it. Now all I need to do is to convince everyone else just how lucky they are. Inspiration is everywhere. Beauty seeps from every pore of this planet, and the thing is, nobody seems to realise it.

*sigh*